My husband: “Are you sure that’s a good combination?”
Me, rooting around in the fridge, shoveling in some coconut yogurt, then some pickles, then opening the cupboard and chasing it with half a package of Trader Joe’s dried broccoli snack: “What? It’s all wholesome food. I’m hungry.” [Chases the dried broccoli with a bowl of Chex. Chases the Chex with a handful of chocolate chips. Chases the chocolate chips with two more handfuls of dried broccoli.]
Me, 30 minutes later: “AAAAAUGH”
My husband: *smirk*
Look, I got a lot of shit to do today, so some Schadenfreude is gonna be better than other Schadenfreude. (We’re 11 days out from the inauguration of Fuckface von Clownstick, after all.) But I’m committed to this promotion. If you enjoy pre-ordering books, don’t forget to pre-order mine. If you enjoy getting books for free, leave a good example of Schadenfreude in the comments, either yours at someone else’s expense (perhaps you, too, have a spouse who cannot regulate her snack intake), or someone else’s at yours (perhaps you are David Blaine).