My husband: “Are you sure that’s a good combination?”

Me, rooting around in the fridge, shoveling in some coconut yogurt, then some pickles, then opening the cupboard and chasing it with half a package of Trader Joe’s dried broccoli snack: “What? It’s all wholesome food. I’m hungry.” [Chases the dried broccoli with a bowl of Chex. Chases the Chex with a handful of chocolate chips. Chases the chocolate chips with two more handfuls of dried broccoli.]

Me, 30 minutes later: “AAAAAUGH”

My husband: *smirk*

***

Look, I got a lot of shit to do today, so some Schadenfreude is gonna be better than other Schadenfreude. (We’re 11 days out from the inauguration of Fuckface von Clownstick, after all.) But I’m committed to this promotion. If you enjoy pre-ordering books, don’t forget to pre-order mine. If you enjoy getting books for free, leave a good example of Schadenfreude in the comments, either yours at someone else’s expense (perhaps you, too, have a spouse who cannot regulate her snack intake), or someone else’s at yours (perhaps you are David Blaine).

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4 thoughts on “30 Days of Schadenfreude, Day 3: Eating Woes, Part 1 of Infinity

  1. I used to joke about how if you say “Hi Laura!” or “Hi Jennifer” here in a coffee shop, half the women will turn to look at you. And I felt so smug about having a more unique name (probably because I grew up in a sea of Sara/hs, though we seem to have diluted over the years). One day last summer, I called up my sister as I left the town pool and was walking back to my car in the parking lot. I hit the unlock button on my key fob as she answered the phone. “Hi Laura!” (no, she’s not here in town) and chatted with her as I walked to the back of my car and opened the trunk to toss in my swim bag. “When did Michael put all these new shopping bags in the trunk? I’ve never even seen these before?” I mumbled to my sister. I took a step back and realized my car was actually the identical car one spot over. I’m naming my car Jennifer.

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  2. I have no good examples. I’m sorry. I’m just sitting at my pain dr, praying my insurance will re-approve a medication that for not reason whatsoever requires pre-authorization. (Yet I can get opioids like candy.)

    Now to my point: I love free books, and I’m a reviewer. And I’m also disabled, and recently unemployed from my college teaching job – a college that didn’t even bother telling me they didn’t want / need my services anymore.

    So, can I get a free copy of your book, pretty please?

    ~dSavannahCREATIVE

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      1. Sweet. Emailing! Also… fucking insurance won’t approve medication. Sigh. And, I’m terribly embarrassed at my typo. Will you fix it? (“not”)

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