Oh, hey. It’s Sunday October 9th, 2016. Absolutely nothing going on in the news, so, obviously everyone is bored and trolling the internet for some things to read about other things. Fear not, news-hungry readers of the world. I am here with an update on THE most important story of the season: The academic job market for German Studies. Great news! Since my last update, the list of advertised tenure-track positions in German has MORE THAN DOUBLED. News that is whatever the opposite of great is: that brings the total to 14 positions, and that includes one sad little medievalist. (Just remember, Germanists: Whatever despair you have, the medievalists have it worse. Those poor unfortunate fuckers.)
So, since I was off for a cycle, let’s do a speed round, shall we? Not because you have something else you need to go watch/read about/do, mind you, but because speed rounds are fun. You should see how fast I’m typing now, just out of solidarity with the idea.
Colby. Two-year VAP. Who doesn’t want to freeze their gonads off teaching at Billy Bush’s alma mater while they languish for two more years on the market?
Georgia Tech. “Interest in teaching business- and technology oriented German is crucial for this appointment.” No shit?
Murray State. I’ve seen this job multiple times in the last few years and I cannot for the life of me figure out what its deal is. Someone tell me.
Princeton. WHICH OF THEIR OWN PHDS WILL THEY HIRE THIS TIME I MUST KNOW IT IS IMPORTANT
San Diego State. NAGJ.* (*That’s my new shorthand for Not A German Job). And yet, here it is on the German list, effectively trolling a bunch of sad PhDs into joining a billion-applicant pool for a job with no real department.
Stanford. That fucking Mellon fellowship they advertise every year, hip hooray. The best that can be said about this 9000-applicant shit-storm is that unlike the Harvard famous postdoc (that only goes to Harvard grads anyway), they don’t double the indignity and make you pay to apply.
Alabama. Huh. Someone retired or died and they’re actually replacing a tenure line. Not too shabby. (I am too lazy to look up who. I assume it’s their Goethe person. That’s my clairvoyant guess.)
Georgia. MAGJ.* (*Mostly A German Job). Double appointment with film. Twice the department meetings, half the sense of professional security!!!!!!! (Fun fact: Almost everyone I know with a double appointment got tenure in one and denied in the other. This made for a VERY FUN LIFE FOR THEM.)
Illinois. That’s the sad li’l medievalist job. You literally have to be luckier than Siegfried (before he gets stabbed) to get a medievalist job these days. (Never mind, bad comparison. Something something Parzival something.)
UMass #2. NAGDMFGJ.
UNC-Chapel Hill. FFSNAMFGDGJ.
K bye, I’m sure you have nothing to do or read, but I’ll let you go anyway.