Today in Slate, I have the story of Teresa Buchanan, a tenured professor of education at Louisiana State University, who got fired — fired — for sexual harassment…for saying “fuck no,” referring to cowardice as being a pussy, and telling one ill-advised joke. Although her colleagues ultimately found that she should be censored — sorry, censured — rather than fired for such an egregious offense, the university’s president, F. (uc) King Alexander (SERIOUSLY YOU CANNOT MAKE THAT SHIT UP), overrode the faculty and shit-canned her.

What.

In.

The.

Acutal.

Everloving.

Fuck.

Is going on right now? When Laura Kipnis bemoaned her inability to insult two victims of alleged sexual assault in print, I said nothing, because I do not like Laura Kipnis and I thought her actions should have had consequences (albeit not the Title IX complaint that was filed, but widespread condemnation from the academy might have been nice; instead she’s some sort of fucking folk hero now).

When two randos started dueling on Vox about whether they were or were not a-feared of their “liberal students,” I said nothing, because I had a screaming baby and no time to enter in to what very much looked like a pig-wrestling match (you get dirty, the pig has fun, etc).

BUT THEN THEY CAME FOR MY CURSE WORDS!!!!!!

NO FUCKING THANK YOU, administration overlords. No fucking thanks, delicate-eared student snowflakes. If you think that you have the inalienable right to go for your entire life without hearing the word “fuck,” have I got some fucking news for you.

This piece marks the first (and probably last) time I was ever cleared to use the f-word in Slate. BECAUSE NEWSWORTHY, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Here’s a taste:

It might have been different if Buchanan told a student under her supervision to fuck off, or get fucked, or go fuck yourself. But she didn’t. Fuck, marquee curse that it is, does no abject harm without an object pronoun. To utter fuck before no is a victimless crime. Are you seriously telling me that the delicate, virgin ears of Louisiana State University should never have to hear the word fuck, a word they have surely already heard numerous times in their rarefied little lives?

Thanks for reading, and fuckety-bye!

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2 thoughts on “The Newsworthy F-Bomb

  1. How did you not see this coming as the inevitable extension of political correctness? Everything is offensive to somebody, so if you outlaw anything that somebody whines about, you have to outlaw everything. Free speech exists no longer. One is only free to agree with the politcally correct. Anything else is anathema, howled down by the social media mob and endless sniveling. The pendulum will swing one day, as it has throughout history, and some other group will control public discourse. The politically correct will then long for the First Amendment protections they’ve been gutting so happily and self-righteously for the last few decades.

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