No baby no baby no baby no baby (not to be confused with no bagel no bagel no bagel).

In the meantime, since my year-old ode to Aldi (and no, it is not “Aldi’s;” the word “Aldi” is a shortened version of “Albrecht Discount,” and nobody listens to me or cares, but I’m just saying) has gone re-viral and now has more social media “shares” than damn near everything else I have ever written put together, I thought this would be a fun time to anthologize the rest of my German grocery-store (or non grocery-store) oeuvre, in case any new readers have just shown up and are like WAIT WHAT IS GOING ON HERE.

1. Supergeil, supergeil.
2. My issues with the “German” on Grimm (and it has nothing to do with the stupid monster names, btw).
3. Angela Merkel is badass part 2 of infinity.
4. HELLO MISS I AM READING YOUR ARTICLE ON UNIVERSITY FOR FREE IN GERMANY I WOULD LIKE FREE UNIVERSITY PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO I CAN APPLY NOW WITH ALL OF THE RELEVANT INFORMATIONS THANK YOU
5. Feuchtgebiete on the big screen? Even I might be too much of a prude for that.
6. ANGELA MERKEL IS BADASS part 1 of infinity.
7. Amazon goes Analog in Austria.
8. LET’S GET NAKED ON THE BEACH.
9. Kant drives some Russians to gunfire, and I don’t blame them.
10. Suck it, Franzen — Karl Kraus’s Viennese friends were even cooler than he was.