GrumpyHappy Thanksgiving from Us (& the Octopus)!

It’s been a depressing week here in St. Louis, make no mistake. Depressing as hell. Others have explained just why it’s depressing and just how depressing far better than I, so please read them.

It’s also been a sad few weeks for my family, and I’m also not a festive person in the best of times, so you’ll have to forgive me (or not; I don’t actually give a fuck!).

Anyway, one of the things I’m most grateful for this Thanksgiving is that I’m not on Facebook anymore, and thus I was mercifully spared, all November long, people’s insipid daily what-I’m-thankful-for humblebraggery/sanctimony (Which is worse? They’re both so bad; it’s a tossup). So, again, #1 thing I’m thankful for is not having to see any of other people’s “thankful” bullshit. So thank you! For sparing me!

Last Thanksgiving I had just started as a contracted columnist at Slate, and the very first thing I did was throw the underprepared PR machine at Minnesota State University-Moorhead into a complete tizzy by publishing this column, “A Ghost Town with a Quad,” for which I was (sadly) totally vindicated a few short months later, when a significant chunk of the faculty got laid off. (“Yay”? Uh, no.)

Last Thanksgiving I was also at my aunt’s house in Chicago, and my parents flew out from Oregon, and my uncle Sam was there, too. He was still in amazing shape at this point; you wouldn’t have known he was sick at all if you hadn’t been told. I really enjoyed talking to him about university administration, his bike trips, and life in Asheville. I tried very hard not to be too visibly upset when I said goodbye because I didn’t want to bother him, but it was the last time I would ever see him, and I knew this. A lot of joyous developments have happened in my life since last Thanksgiving, but I also still wish it was 2013, for obvious reasons.

Anyway, this year I can’t really travel because of my hugeness (also, could you imagine the shitshow of not only being stranded at an airport somewhere because of a flight delay or cancellation, but stranded at a packed airport full of super-pissed-off people 8 months pregnant? Shudder), so we are keeping it very low key. I made some gluten-free bagels from scratch (all right, from a mix, but they still took forever! All right, not as long as a turkey, but I’ll never cook a turkey as long as I shall live!), and my husband enjoyed them with lox while I enjoyed them with some peanut butter and apples (a modified Schumanwich, for those who remember). Later we’re going to see the latest Hunger Games at the theater down the street (I made a late play for Horrible Bosses 2, but we’ve committed to the entire HG franchise so I feel like I need to keep my follow-through), and then we’ll probably just read, listen to music, and hit the sack early.

So, on that tremendously fascinating note, if you are American, I wish a happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, though I also hope you remember the disingenuous, genocidal colonialist roots of the holiday and are appropriately cynical about it. I also hope you will stay the fuck away from any stores today and tomorrow. If you must partake in an orgy of consumerism, go where all the best orgies are: the Internet. (Have I mentioned recently that I’m not one for holidays, or forced/organized merriment of any kind? OH I HAVE? Huh.) The octopus and I will now be taking a nap.

2014-10-30 12.03.08

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