Attention students, and anyone else who wishes to sound erudite by making literary references, but doesn’t have time to read books!
I am here to help! Got a paper due on a classic of world literature, but too busy playing World of MineKiller BoobDeath VII to read? Want to impress a lady, gentleman or attractive genderqueer individual who seems bookish, but prefer (as I do) to spend your time watching Nashville instead? (I AM ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU, WILL LEXINGTON! I’M PROUD OF YOU!) SparkNotes and other “study guides” so long and involved that you might as well just read the damn book anyway?
Well, you’re in luck!
I have recently developed SchuNotes, extremely accurate one-sentence “takeaways” from many of the world’s most important books, that are definitely not understandable but grievous misreadings that may or may not stem from only skimming Yahoo! Answers.
All you have to do to use ShuNotes is expand this takeaway, moral or idea into a longer treatise (make sure to use a lot of all-purpose language in said treatise, like “Attitudes toward cultures have changed over time but always been important”), and I guarantee everyone will marvel at how well-read you are. TRUST ME.
The Myth of Sisyphus: Practice makes perfect! You CAN reach your goals if you just keep trying!
Macbeth: Success is worth the sacrifice.
Oedipus the King: Listen to your parents.
The Metamorphosis: Learn to accept change!
Romeo & Juliet: Don’t do drugs.
Things Fall Apart: Accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior.
The Scarlet Letter: True love waits!!!!!
To the Lighthouse: Every cloud has a silver lining (would also work for Hamlet).
To Kill a Mockingbird: DON’T MEDDLE!
You’re welcome, everyone.
I’d like to make SchuNotes a crowdsourced project (and thus I am amenable to a name change), so, readers: Got any contributions?!?