My dear, misguided readers–
–I am aghast to report that my polo horse, Narbles, has come down with Horse Measles, due to the insufferable new-age horses at the other end of the stable who refuse to vaccinate their foals. I must rush to be at his side, for Narbles barely takes food or water without me on the best of days. I have no idea, nor do I care, who will be my sabbatical-replacement-replacement in Narbles’ time of need. Please keep Narbles in your prayers, if you rely on the superstitions of the rabble.
~Dr. Brett Betherton Weatherby IV