The sole condition of my otherwise-genteel employ as Ms. Schuman’s sabbatical replacement is that I must “promote” her “work” on the “internet” while I am here. Personally, I find the act of self-promotion to be unforgivably gauche. One’s work should speak for itself, and if it’s worth enough, other people will promote it. Other people who matter, such as me. (Irony of ironies, that is what I am currently doing, though please let it be known that it is under extreme duress. The last time I let a woman boss me around like this, it was the Headmistress of Charm School, and my father had a word with her, and that was that).
At any rate, Ms. Schuman wanted me to tell you all that for some reason I cannot fathom, she is being brought in as an “expert” on the “transitional state” of higher education in these United States, to speak at this upcoming hullabaloo of degenerates in the distastefully scrappy metropolis of Saint Louis, Missouri (I’ve never been, though one of my friends at the Club owns a lot of stock in Monsanto).
She will, she tells me, be speaking about how the true jewel of higher education in her area is not the internationally-renowned Washington University (which would indeed be a worthwhile institution of higher learning if it were located, as all important things are, in Connecticut), but rather somewhere called “UMSL,” a public institution that has the gall to offer education to the local hoi polloi at a reasonable price.
I always say: If a university education were meant to be reasonably priced, they would have called Princeton Costco. Please.
At any rate, I have been instructed to keep my editorializing about Ms. Schuman’s doings to a minimum, and I feel as if this lengthy introduction has “disobeyed” that “order” appropriately (a non-tenured woman, giving me orders? I scoff. This is Binky Weatherby IV scoffing).
“Enjoy” the “stylings” of the known rabble-rousing degenerate and Guitar Center-hating miscreant Eric Garland, if that is even his real name.
Regards (not really; I hate you people),