Sabbatical Replacement: Dr. Brett Betherton Weatherby IV

It has recently come to my attention that my writings have both content and tone unbefitting of a young lady. When I explained to the important men who run the Internet that, at 37, I am what they would consider an “old” lady who is firing egg-blanks (it’s true; I had a blighted ovum!), they vomited and chastised me for saying the word “ovum” in male company.

Then they “encouraged” me to take a “sabbatical,” by which I mean they superglued a French Maid’s outfit onto me, superglued me onto a treadmill (I’m a big fat cow, after all–just ask Slate commenters!), and Clockwork Orange’d my eyes open in front of the complete works of Harold Bloom.

While I’m on “vacation,” the men who know what’s good for us have appointed, by special dispensation, a non-tenure-track Sabbatical Replacement (with the potential for a tenure line that may become open, should I take the reasonable advice of some of my learned male commenters and commit suicide). I am delighted to report that this replacement is none other than Dr. Brett Betherton Weatherby IV.

Dr. Weatherby IV comes to us from the University of California-Davis, where he was awarded the PhD Degree in English in 2010. He wrote his dissertation on Chaucer, using secondary literature from Plutarch (when I asked him how this was technically possible given the space-time continuum, he suggested quite genteelly that there were sandwich ingredients in the kitchen, and that he would prefer they be assembled into a functioning sandwich and placed in his vicinity). Said dissertation is forthcoming as a book from Columbia University Press (2015), and Dr. Weatherby IV also comes to us with four years of teaching experience, at both the Punxatawny University Honors College and by way of a prestigious postdoctoral fellowship at Indiana University-Bloomington. He now teaches as a glamour-adjuct–I’m sorry, “Precept”–in the First Year Great Books/Composition Program at Yale, and thus considers himself Ivy League Faculty.

That is, Dr. Weatherby IV holds credentials almost identical to mine–with the major difference that he, unlike me, understands that the “life of the mind” is the only life there is, and thus none of his missives seek to alienate, quite needlessly in his opinion, The Profession.

Although he is still waiting to hear back from his single campus interview of 2014, he is eager to return the market this fall, and fully prepared to dispense excellent advice on how to present oneself with the proper professional demeanour, which he insists is how you spell it. I told him when I spelled it that way, I got a dotted red line under the word, but he explained to me that that red line is just Communists protesting liberty.

At any rate, I hope that you will all welcome Dr. Weatherby IV, as he blogs, Tweets and sporadically Facebooks in my stead, as I complete this rejuvenating sabbatical.

With all my best,

Mrs. W.M.R.

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