Editors’ Note (the “Editors” are the quorum of wise Caucasian men who run the Internet):
Many readers have inquired as to how one receives a job as Rebecca Schuman’s sabbatical replacement. We are happy to oblige, and here reprint Dr. Weatherby IV’s letter of application in its entirety. Thanks to our fellow credentialed appropriate male, Dr. W. Ron Sweeney, for his glowing letter of reference for Dr. Weatherby IV.
I was recently alerted to a “weblog” in which you tarnished my good name and title. I do not ordinarily read the Internet, but in this case, I had my research assistant print out your offending articles. You may have thought the very idea of a Brett Betherton Weatherby IV existing to be ludicrous, but I assure you I am a very real person at a very real university. You have probably heard of it. I’ll give you a hint: it rhymes with “male.”
For someone who is so insistent on the use of correct titles, may I point out that your “writing” on the Internet is most impolite and does not suit one of the fairer sex. I am the fourth man in my family to have the title of Doctor and I assure you I do not worry about the correct use of my titles nearly as much as you do. My students call me “Binky.” It does not diminish my standing in the least. If your students wish to address you as Becky, then this is no grounds for you to write rude articles on the Internet. Whatever happened to the polite and cultured discourse of the University? I’ll tell you what the problem is: it is all of the [Editor’s note: it is probably fortunate that this part of the message is unreadable.]
No, I am certainly not one to stand on titles or degrees. And if teaching at an Ivy League School has taught me anything, it is that a generous donation will buy you more than insisting upon proper use of honorifics. For I am much more than my name and title. If James Franco doesn’t insist on addressing me by my proper title, you can see why it is entitled of you to insist on your own titles. “Binky,” he told me, “you are cool. You are one of the good ones.” Was this because of the eight generations of Weatherbys who have lived in this area? Was this because I am a doctor? Is it because the library is named after my grandfather, Dr. Brett Betherton Weatherby II? No, ma’am, it was not. It was because James Franco recognizes cool when he sees it.
Dr. Brett Betherton Weatherby IV