The ultrasound and the doctors confirmed today that I do not have a viable pregnancy–that, in fact, I was barely ever pregnant at all. If you can believe it, what I feel most is relief to finally have some certainty, and be able to move on with my life.
But before I leave you, here’s an anecdote (into which I have chosen, probably unwisely, to channel all of my anger and hurt at once): as my husband and I made our way to the medical center today, we passed a couple that I can only describe as Female Dewey Crowe and Dewey Crowe Junior. Just a couple of total dipshits. Both smoking, the woman (who was little more than a girl) barely able to manage her multiple bags, cigarette, and of course the eighteen-month-old baby she was carrying. Mr. Dewey Crowe, holding only a fast-food bag and his smoke, yelled at her: “Did you even BRING THE NEW BABY WIPES? DID YOU EVEN BRING THEM? ARE YOU AN IDIOT?”
This, people, is why I do not believe in God, or if He does exist, I assume He is an asshole. These two idiots get a baby. Shit, they’ve probably got another one on the way already, that they conceived between whippets. And I do not. I get an embryo that false-starts. Yes, I realize that Female Dewey Crowe is probably 21 and I’m 37, and by the time she’s my age she’ll be a great-grandmother and that’s how you’re supposed to do things. But seriously fuck a species in which she’s doing things right and I’m doing them wrong.
And all I can hope is that Nature proceeds to do its goddamned business naturally, so that I don’t have to pay $1500 and go back to the hospital again for a painful, expensive procedure, while the Dewey Crowes of Missouri happily continue to shit out offspring between White Power rallies.
I appreciate everyone’s concern and patience as I made the decision to go completely public with all (well, not ALL but MOST) aspects of this shit-show. I do not apologize for offending Missouri white supremacists, or white idiots of any kind, or any idiots of any kind.
I would now like to be left alone.