$elling Out

Hallöchen, my dear reader(s), and welcome to the new and “improved” Pan Kisses Kafka. As much as I adored my old minimalist theme, it had its problems. Its design was too clean and elegant, for one–not enough random text everywhere, and not enough crass sensory stimulation. I’m just disappointed there’s not a WordPress theme that featured sparkles and/or or blinking text. My design motto is: if it doesn’t look like a 2007 MySpace profile, I don’t want to read it. Actually, I don’t want to read it anyway, because reading is for people who can’t afford iPhones, where there is an app that reads for you, amirite?

But. All right. Here is my point: the old theme, which I loved, was not “optimized” for the spiffy video ads you see below the first post on the page now, which I enabled as part of a grand Capitalist experiment to see if I could earn WordPress’s payout minimum of $100 (!) before I reach menopause (which, given the agony I’ve been in for the past three days–yes, I know, TMI, what, are you SCARED OF MY FEMININITY? YOU SHOULD BE–I would actually welcome). I am betting “no,” but just in case, I decided to enable ads anyway, to “monetize” this motherfucker so that even non-content like this has the potential to earn me ca$h money for entertaining and edifying the “masses,” even though I have long thought of PKK as an outlet for my overactive emotional life and not “real” content, so really I should be paying you. What I’m saying is: you want to do me a solid? Click on the ads. They’re usually just TV spots for coffee and Old Navy. Click on them and then mute ’em. I will think of you when I spend the tenth of a penny I “earn” when you do it.

In conclusion: ATLAS SHRUGGED WEALTH CREATOR PRODUCER FIRST-HAND LIFE AYN RAND HIS MIND IS NOT FOR RENT TO ANY GOD OR GOVERNMENT I AM JOHN GALT LAY A WREATH OF ROSES SHAPED LIKE A “$” ON MY GRAVE.

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3 thoughts on “$elling Out

  1. I have never, and would never, click a video ad (although I am at the mercy of obnoxious ones that play automatically!), but your conclusion is worth a million clicks. AT LEAST.

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    1. (ps to not be a jerk, i should make clear that this is an exception to “would never.” i probably should’ve written “until now,” or something.

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  2. Ha ha ha ha! I don’t actually expect anyone to click. And if these EVER start playing automatically, I will remove them post-haste. But thanks for noticing the genius of that last sentence. Most of the Statist flacks refuse to acknowledge my genius, but you recognize me as the great Producer I am. I feel like if I keep talking like this, it’s going to stick, like if you make a crazy face it might freeze that way…

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