Back when I still had a borrowed version of Photoshop in graduate school, and needed to enforce a break between passing my quals and beginning my diss, I designed some T-shirts (what my loathed erstwhile employer would call TEE-SHIRTS, RTV shoutout! Yessss!), purely with the intent of purchasing them for myself and friends. “Robot If And Only If Robot” came from a 2007 conversation (I linked to it, but then I read over it and was very ashamed of the sizeist and ableist language I used in my 20s; I keep it as a record of how people can become less evil when they get older), wherein my partner and I marveled at the invention of paper-grading software. If we can get robots to replace us, he suggested, then we should definitely get robots to replace the students. ROBOT IF AND ONLY IF ROBOT!!!!! Given the advent of MOOCs and the further mechanization of the professoriate in the intervening years, I would hope ROBOT IF AND ONLY IF ROBOT might become a rallying cry of the adjunct class. (HA! Not really. Also, not even I can afford these shirts, and I’ll still have a job for another few months).

“Friedrich Nietzsche’s of Hollywood” was just the result of being a big weirdo, although if you are at all familiar with Nietzche’s attitudes toward women and sexuality, this portmanteau is especially apt. I know I am looking forward to wearing mine around LA if I do indeed gather up the courage to move there, and getting the usual weird looks at the gym. Anyway, being Cafepress shirts (and a mug! A Robot IFF Robot mug!) everything is way overpriced, and I get between .50-$1 for everything, but I thought–what better way to reintegrate myself into capitalist society (HAHAHA “reintegrate”) than with some good old-fashioned moichendizing?

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