For reasons as of yet quite unclear to me, I have decided to resurrect–temporarily–Pan Kisses Kafka. Stay tuned, or not, for what may or may not be a journey back to 2003 or whenever the hell I started this thing back when blogs were a thing. Worry not–this is not going to become a mommy blog or a food blog. A food blog about eating babies, maybe. Undecided at the moment. So, why the two-plus years of blog silence? Sometime in 2009 I went on the academic job market for the first time, and was under the absolutely re-goddamned-diculous impression that anyone in the universe with whom I’d applied to work would look at my dossier for more time than it takes to push a dossier aside, and then, then, THEN they would of course Google me, and then of course this blog would appear, and then of course they’d see how much I like to use the curse words and blaspheme and how I am prone to anxiety and depression and oversharing, and they’d be all like, WELL WE WERE DEFINITELY GOING TO HIRE HER BUT NOW WE’RE GOING TO GO FOR THIS SNOTNOSE FROM PRINCETON BUT ONLY BECAUSE OF THE BLOG. Ha! Ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Oh, pardon me, I am laughing cynically and with a marked edge of world-weariness because of what has happened in the two-plus years subsequently. Here is what happened.

1. I did manage to finish the PhD degree, in August of 2010 to be unnecessarily specific, and although my first year on the job market was met with what I now realize is a totally expecte silence, I did manage to secure what turned out to be a really wonderful part-time position at the Pierre Laclede Honors College at UM-St. Louis. Although I made a total of $19,000 my first year as a professor, I truly loved working there, my colleagues and especially my students.

2. During my year at UMSL, I was nominated for, and won, a prestigious postdoctoral fellowship, which put my dossier into a “clearinghouse” of the US’s 90-odd most prestigious universities (not unlike the residency process for MD’s, except I only save lives METAPHORICALLY). The process resulted in my current position at a massive, football-obsessed megauniversity in the Midwest that shall remain nameless, ha ha ha ha. I’m two weeks away from finishing the first of my two years here, and professional life this year has been CAH-RAZY.

3. I’ve published three articles, and have an advance contract on what I hope will be a very interesting book, and two chapters in edited volumes (one of which I am editing myself, with a friend). So, professionally I’ve been keeping myself pretty fucking busy.

4. My personal life is none of your BUSINESS, INTERNET, that’s what Facebook is for!!!! BUT. I’ll say that the particulars haven’t changed, except that I’m once again on friendly speaking terms with my quasi-famous ex and in unrelated news JUSTIFIED IS THE BEST SHOW ON TELEVISION AND YOU KNOW IT.

20120522-185408.jpg5. <–As you can see here, I cut my hair off, and stopped dyeing it, and you can really tell because I’ve Instagrammed the everloving bejeezus out of myself, but it has a lot of gray in it because I’m almost 36 now, but it’s cool. As anyone I know will tell you, I had pneumonia this year and it brought about a lot of soul-searching, most importantly the conclusion that as long as I am healthy, I’m going to stop having a crap attack about what I look like.

Anyway, that’s the haps, Internet. I am Lazaraus, back from the dead, back to bore the bejeezus out of you all with my very boring life.

OH, ALSO, OF COURSE, 6. I have an iPhone now so I can update this shit like a normal person.

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2 thoughts on “Oh holy shit, I am Lazarus, back from the dead, back to tell you all…nothing really.

  1. I have never stopped loving that poem. Remember sitting around in a circle in your courtyard thingy on your birthday, making all your non-literary friends take turns at stanzas? I totally remember that. But of course you do, you remember everything.

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  2. Of course I remember that–it is highly embarrassing, so high on my list of things I am ashamed of/remember vividly. These days, however, I still make people take turns reading things aloud in a circle, but they are my students practicing German so they kind of expect it…

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