About two months ago, I checked my bank balance before heading off to Ye Olde High Priced Healthe Foode Emporium for pie (vegan, fruit-juice sweetened pie, mind you. Oh how I do love pie. But I digress). To my great alarm, there was approximately seven hundred dollars missing and a whole shitload of ‘pending charges.’ Holy shit! I said. That’s what I said. Holy shit! That’s what you’d say, too. Anyway, some fuckhead (the bank has yet to discover who) had ripped off my debit card number and bought a whole shitload worth of flowers with it (this was around Mother’s Day, so someone’s mom got a bunch of stolen flowers!), and opened two Yahoo accounts and an iTunes account. Small potatoes when it comes to identity theft, sure, but it was enough to cripple my pie jones–AND fuck up everything I had automatically connected to that debit card or checking account, which included but was not limited to this blog. I was feeling particularly anti-sharing at that time and thought it would be as good a time as any to KILL THE BLOG FOR GOOD, because if there’s someone who does not need a writing outlet now that I no longer have my column or any publications to my credit (and those I do end up getting will not be the kind anyone will read, not even me), THAT PERSON IS ME. In retrospect I directly attribute my lack of intronet psychiatrist to the Great Meltdown of Mid-Ought-Eight which coincided with my long-awaited (all right, not that long) departure from Irvine and into my absolute favorite place in the world to live: LIMBO. But I digress. And the limbo will end tomorrow when I return to St. Louis to spend the rest of the summer in the air-conditioned indoors (it is easier to be cruel to Mother Goddess Environment in Missouri, where the out-of-doors/”wilderness” is many times more terrifying than the urban areas).
So, what happened was that I spent a week visiting my parents on heavily-enforced No Working on Dissertation Time (I didn’t have it in me anyway) and got bored enough to reactivate my blog, though now that I killed it even for two months I doubt any of its four and a half readers (I count myself as a half, since technically I have to read it to write it, though I could try it with my eyes closed I suppose) will notice its miraculous resurrection hallelujah.
Anyway, in the Dead Time my brother got married, and when he deigns to share photographic evidence of this occasion with the rest of us, I in turn will share it with you, Dr. Internet.
And also, I don’t know the gender of Blog but it sounds masculine to me, she who has no ear for gender (and has uttered ‘der Fenster’ in the recent past to prove it).