auf wiedersehen, titties

For those curious, I am delighted to report that Ms. Stephanie Green is recovering nicely from her bilateral mastectomy/reconstruction (my first friend with implants! and she’s not even in the OC…YET) and once her fab new wig has been made she will be fabulous as ever. I have often made remarks about how breast cancer gets special attention because, unlike cervical cancer, you don’t get it from doing the nasty, and that it’s like the "Soccer Mom’s Cancer," but then my decidedly NON-soccer-mom (the anti-Soccer Mom, to every possible superlative) friend Stephanie–who may I remind everyone is MY AGE–got diagnosed and I thought to myself–jeezus H. tap-dancing christ. (I guess my maternal grandmother was also not a soccer mom, but I blame nonexistent technology for that very premature demise). Anyway, there will be no premature demise for Steph, DO YOU HEAR ME, SCIENCE? She will be back lording her ridiculous wardrobe and jewelry collection and real estate choices over the rest of us (and by "lording over" I mean "daring not to be a grad student" and by "us" I mean "me") soon enough–DO YOU HEAR ME, SCIENCE? And I fully expect to behold her 100 percent alive and newly fake-racked magnificence in person in either NY or LA soon. Congratulations on your boobie purge, Steph, and stay ridiculously fabulous.

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