When I was a little kid, I wanted nothing more than for my boring flat mattress to be replaced by a CraftMatic Adjustable Bed because hello! A bed that becomes a chair that becomes a bed again! It’s like an Optimus Prime you can sleep in! I didn’t realize that CraftMatic adjustable beds were for geriatrics and hospital patients and I was always like, "Mom? Can I have a CraftMatic bed? Please? Why can’t I? They have heat and massage and cost less than your average flat bed with NO heat and massage and transformative capatilities!" And my mom would be like "I don’t think so," and I would be like, "Won’t you even just THINK about it?" Now I realize I am all grown up and responsible for buying my own bed all the time (well, not all the time, every five years or however often I need a new bed), and that next time I need a bed it COULD very well be a CraftMatic Adjustable Bed. What would you do if you were my boyfriend and I was like "I have a SURPRISE FOR YOU!" and then it was twin CraftMatic Adjustable Beds? It would be awesome. I’ll run it by him and see what he thinks.*
*I realize that below in the "I hate Valentine’s Day" entry it appears that I don’t have a boyfriend because I said, "I don’t hate Valentine’s Day because I don’t have a boyfriend" and then I went on a big tirade about fourth grade and forgot to insinuate that I totally DO have a boyfriend, although at 31 years old it feels stupid to be using that word, although any other word would not be appropriate, but anyway, I don’t want to cause any misunderstanding because I don’t want to. The reasons I hate Valentine’s day are LOGICALLY INDEPENDENT from my own romantic status–take THAT, analytic philosophers, I speak your language now! Predicativity! Watch me! All right, maybe not.