Resolutions at New-Year Time Part Infinity

by Franz Kafka (see Resolutions for 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004) (Oh my ass shit god I am almost as old as Kafka himself, by which I mean 123)

  1. Write passionate letter to Dick Wolf displaying shock and dismay that life story has not yet been made into episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent where blame for my death rests squarely where it belongs: DAMNED WOMEN. All of ’em! Can’t live with ’em, pass the beer nuts. Also, HBO for not allowing me to watch "Flight of the Conchords"
  2. Quit trying to finish Castle and rush untimely death so that Castle unfinished and pressure to finish finally abated! With newfound spare time, will have more time to do nudist pushups and try to ignore fact that am probably gay.
  3. Keep having unsatisfying affairs with mannish women so as to ignore fact that am probably gay.
  4. Oh, how I do love pie.
  5. Attempt to go one week without kvetching (passive-aggressive non-compliments disguised as kvetching are still acceptable).
  6. Learn to ride a bicycle–nothing is more fetching than a 100-pound 6-foot man in a suit on a bicycle!
  7. Consider switching from Warrior Yoga to Yogilates, as Warrior Yoga instructor has misplaced chi but Yogilates instructor’s energy very rad.
  8. Add word "rad" to revised version of Beschreibung eines Kampfes, or else it will seem apocryphal to my canon, because the rest of my canon contains the word "rad" and also I have a canon even though I am not yet dead and have only published like four pages of things.
  9. Did you know they made round paper clips?!? Round paper clips? What has this world come to?
  10. If HBO does not put "Flight of the Conchords" back on demand, may develop spontaneous case of tuberculosis and die in dramatic tragic fashion which will allow me to have own literary canon.

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