School of Schumanities Contract with America

I, the Undersigned, hereby declare that for the foreseeable future I will endeavor to abide by the following decrees:

I shall not deride, mock, dismiss or otherwise engage in unbecoming discourse with those in and outside the field of academia who have a different approach than I do, even if they are presidents, treasurers or in any other way officers of the Jean-Francois Lyotard is Dreamy Society; even if they are philosophers of science and/or mind; even if they are economists…even if they are social scientists. Do you hear me, world? A new era of mutual respect and admiration dawns!

I shall also never, ever, ever, ever password protect my wireless router, as doing so would bring about ONLY self-interested results ("MY wireless internet, not YOUR wireless internet") and in this hectic, overpriced, miserably overtechnologized world, the one act of kindness we can perform is to say, "Hey, you know what? It’s just me in this teeny little studio apartment and this wireless router works all over the place; it really wouldn’t hurt anybody if I didn’t take the extra minutes to password protect it and just THINK of who might benefit? It could be the next Hannah Arendt desperately wanting to Google "human condition" in the next unit over, and who am I to stop that?" I am so opposed to password-protecting wireless routers that I join the networks of my boyfriend’s neighbors if they allow it JUST BECAUSE I CAN, despite the fact that he himself has an Internet connection (which you have to plug in–he’s old-school like that), because I want them to know somehow (though they can’t really know) that their unselfishness and laid-backedness is helping just one little lady google "The Differend" from anywhere in the room she wants.

In other news, perhaps my reintroduction to actual seasons has brought about a heightened awareness of how winter changes people. For one thing, as I have screechily and often proclaimed, since the very fortunate demise of a previous relationship threeish years ago (nothing against my eccentric ex, just glad that particular phase of my life is long over), I’ve been gradually or not-so-gradually losing weight; first it was the "breakup weight" I am always fortunate enough to drop despite my usual breakup diet of doritos and vodka and Andes wafers. Then it was the "staying at the parents’ house and bike riding every day" weight; then it was the "I live in Southern California where it is always tank top season" weight, and then finally it was the "I’ve gone vegan and given refined sugar the boot" weight. As the last actual winter I’ve lived in coincides with–oddly enough–the demise of my previous relationship, this current situation has been a bit of a shock to my system (current situation being that I am spending December in the Mormon Garden of Eden), simply because, well, the last time I had a serious winter climate around me I also had like, I don’t know, 20 extra pounds of insulation protecting me from the elements. Now all I have are a lot of sweaters and a host of ill-informed Winter Wonderland fantasies involving the simultaneous consumption of cider and cocoa and/or ice skating. And some odd lethargy viz. leaving the house and doing active things that never surfaces in California due to the fact that it never gets even remotely cold despite what the idiot undergraduates tromping around in overcoats and Ugg boots in 55-degree weather may have to say for themselves. Meh, I don’t feel like concluding this thought or making any sense about it. You see what I mean now? Pleh.

5 thoughts on “School of Schumanities Contract with America

  1. Many times God wished that he could go back and take back those words he said, that which he gave to us. But yet… It was too late… Just as we cannot delete our comments after they have been posted, so humanity would not let God take back his gift to this earth, J.C., who will let us live on forever and ever. Even if you don’t believe in him. Amen.


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