life in the academic year 07-08, numerically

  1. amount a 31-year-old PhD candidate should enjoy "Sunset Tan" on "E": negative a billion
  2. amount of actual enjoyment of the same by the same: enough so that I know that Nick needs to come out
  3. how much I enjoy P.A. living 2000 miles estranged: slightly less than I should enjoy "Sunset Tan"
  4. how much I should probably look on the proverbial bright side and be glad he doesn’t live in Nova Scotia or somewhere else with no direct flight: ninety-twelve jabillion
  5. days since I last returned from St. Louis: 5
  6. how lame I KNOW it is that I am already acting like a maroon because of above: theta
  7. how many courses I am enrolled in or auditing this quarter: 2
  8. how many courses I *have* to take: 0
  9. how much I love being ABD so I can take all sorts of rad classes like undergraduate logic: a lot!
  10. amount of freshpeople in my section: 22
  11. amount, in percent, of said freshpeople who had the bejeezus scared out of them by moi on Thursday, which for many was their first day of college ever: 100
  12. amount of freshpeople, in percent once again, who were actually scared rather than "mildly bemused" because I like to misunderoverestimate how much I scare people: 100
  13. times, weekly, my new appointment makes me attend a staff meeting: 1
  14. amount I resent this despite it being in my contract: undisclosed
  15. plants I had at this time last year: 0
  16. plants I have now: 12
  17. plants still alive: 12!!!!!
  18. amount I love my plants: slightly more than one of my neighbors loves her 2-year-old since he seem to run away a lot, prompting her to wander around the complex and ask if anyone has seen a 2-year-old
  19. amount of wine, in glasses, it now takes me to get drunk due to the fact that I gave up alcohol for the better part of ought-six/ought-seven: 1
  20. cheapness of date I now am for PA due to the above, on a scale of "cheap" to "not cheap": cheap
  21. restaurants in St. Louis I full-out love: uh…however many the following adds up to: the Blue Elephant in Clayton, the Coffee Oasis in the CWE, the Sangri-La diner on Antique Row, Pomme Cafe in Clayton, Miss Saigon in U City…I guess that makes 5, which is a shitload more than I love in the OC
  22. bottles of expensive perfume I own despite making approx. 15,000 US dollars per year (MOST OF THESE WERE PURCHASED LONG AGO, don’t judge me): er…five.
  23. amount I love the name "Fracas" for a perfume: 100
  24. amount I also love the name "Fracas" for a child: 100
  25. number of people I currently know who are knocked up: 2
  26. number of those people who are me: NONE, calm down
  27. ginormousness of aforementioned preggies: 0, so far
  28. bloatedness of my tummy due to very recent consumption of SnapPea Crisps: 20
  29. how much I love SnapPea Crisps: undisclosed
  30. how many bran muffins I have eaten in the past 24 hours: 3
  31. how uptight I am: undisclosed
  32. how many pages of Aristotle the freshpeople have to read for their first college lecture ever: 13
  33. how many of said pages are total one hundred percent gibberish: 13
  34. percentage of freshpeople who may give up on college after Tuesday: 200
  35. level of empathy for the aforementioned: 12
  36. level of empathy I will have when grading papers on the aforementioned: negative a billion, which is the same amount I was supposed to have enjoyed "Sunset Tan," which is now over for the evening, thank God for my remaining brain cells (correlation between "Sunset Tan" consumption and lack of Aristotle facility, perhaps? Rhetorical devices on "Sunset Tan"? beats the bejeezus out of me).
  37. naps I took today: undisclosed
  38. time I will go to sleep tonight: soon, despite it being old-lady time.

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