Dear Internet,

How are you today? I am fine. What’s going on with you today? Not too much going on here, Internet, since you asked. Yesterday I put my books down for a few precious hours and I went swimming at the beach and out to breakfast and was convinced by a very delighted Professor Awesome to paint my room like Kandinsky’s house:

Last night my scholarship hit an all-time low (the previous all-time low was when I footnoted a footnote). For the last four months I have been making an extensive many-fonted set of notes for my qualifying exam–THE COMPENDIUM–my qualifying exam, which is by the way FORTY EIGHT HOURS FROM NOW, not that I want the entire Internet to wish me luck but I do, come on, Internet, drück die Daumen für mich, I wish you luck all the time, luck with your dolphin-fucking guys and your misspelled pornography and your right-wing blogs and and your YouTube and your gnomz comics that waste entire days’ worth of time: