That is: just because it’s trite, predictable, boring, finite and painful doesn’t make it over any faster. And by "it" I mean "American Idol." No, I don’t. Actually the only reason I even know that show exists because right this second (in 2 hours) it’s on in a time slot that belongs rightfully to Dr. House, and is thus cockblocking the only tiny sliver of happiness I have on Tuesdays (this precedes a 100 percent grim Wednesday with no hope of de-grimifcation). But what I mean is, "it" = the general malaise that completely takes over my life during approx. weeks 3-5 of every academic quarter. The price you pay for so-called academic excellence is total isolation and a fairly severe amount of self-inflicted stress nobody else understands or should care about (hence: isolation). This also happened last quarter–you can even chart its progress here, here and here. It’s the closest I get to becoming totally despondent, a total despondency which is only punctuated with uncontrollable rage (inside) at my classmates, students, books, apartment, general living situation–SERENITY NOW!–anyway, for some reason at the beginning of every quarter I go like this:
despondency/rage/despondency/rage/BLARGH/serenity now/everyone get out of my way/despondency/meh
and then, suddenly, around the halfway point: total tranquility. The second big projects actually start becoming due I am unstoppable, and love everyone, and can manufacture fun out of anything. And I know, full well, that a return to this Me of Fundom is right around the corner, and that I have no real problems, and that my pressures are all handle-able, and that I am really lucky to have the life I do–and yet, right now all I can do is scowl at the "State of the Union" and kick things in my imagination. Kick kick kick kick kick. So be patient with me, nobody in particular (or, alternately: me). This too, like "American Idol," shall pass (and, unfortunately, like "American Idol," return, unless someone shows Osama bin Laden where that fucking show tapes).