Just in case I get taken to task for becoming a pussy (see below): Let it be said unto you, my people, a zillion times, that I fucking hate Christmas so much that I wish there actually were a "war on Christmas" and not just a bunch of bullshit fearmongering by the 82 percent Christian majority in America, and that this "war on Christmas" would be won, and that Christians could have their sweet little Messiah celebration and hug each other and leave it the fuck out of the streets, off of the televisual machine and for the love of lack-of-God, off the stereo at Trader Joe’s. Ahem. That’s all.