Now first and foremost let me say one thing: the UC-Irvine Department of German is the greatest German department on the planet, possibly also on the moon, in that if the fake moon-world in Arno Schmidt’s postapocalyptic KAFF auch Mare Crisium ("Boondocks/Moondocks") had a German department, ours would still be better, because it is just that great. In addition, the School of Humanities is the greatest School of Humanities in all of the Humanities, and that is not just because they gave me a bunch of dough last year to go study Czech (which I am SUPER GOOD AT, powers that be).

I don’t know anything about the rest of the schools (except the Social Sciences get their own "tower," which is seven stories high), but I was always under the impression that they were respectable. I am sure this is still the case, in spite of the fact that the Biological Sciences department is offering Creationism this winter. Now do not get me wrong–the weird little O.C. mini-GOPers that make up the bulk of the undergrad student body are more than welcome to tack on some wilfully-ignorant bullshit pseudoscience crazy Jesus-Camp/Ted-Haggard-style crap to their End-of-the-World Club meetings (or Ayn Rand Club meetings!!! Even better!). I can’t stop them from believing God created the world in seven days despite the years of incontrovertible Stephen Hawking style fucking proof–willful ignorance is what makes this country great, after all. But I can be outraged, and ashamed on behalf of my otherwise-august institute of higher learning, that this course is being offered in the Biology department (as "Bio Sci 11"), and thus granted a semantic legitimacy even amongst the very scientific community that has spent the last two centuries figuring out that perhaps Biblical "days" actually constitute hundreds of millions of years (my best friend is a very practicing Catholic and she once got really mad at me for even insinuating that the Bible should be taken literally–and she believes in God and Jesus and all the Saints and is as far from a Godless, God-hating atheist as anyone can possibly be). Freedom of speech grants people in this great country any  opinion about the origin of the species they want, and also the freedom to gather and discuss this, but my public, tax-supported university should be ashamed of itself for using Californians’ money (Californians, who largely, I am guessing, believe in evolution) to further legitimize the bullshit "intelligent design" debate and plunge humanity back into the dark ages! Let me repeat: I do not object to the offering of the class, or even, really, to the bankrolling of it, and its prof’s salary, by Californians’ taxes–the visual studies department probably offers classes on pornography, and if people don’t want to take it they don’t have to take it. The same goes for BioSci 11–except that it’s called BioSci 11 and it should be offered in the fucking Religion department we don’t have, or the Philosophy department, or fuck, I’ll let them hold it in my office and crosslist it with German, since the Germans were also super-good at being wilfully ignorant back in the 30s and I should be able to offer some awesome insight. Just don’t let the whackjobs we only recently kicked out of every branch of government convince a bunch of vulerable college kids that evolution is up for debate–because! it’s! not!!!*

*(to be fair, the prof for this course is an evolutionary biologist whose own leanings are not toward young-Earth creationism, and I think he just wants to take advantage of a hot-button issue to make an interesting class, and this sounds great–it’s just that the class should be crosslisted with another department so that randos searching the schedule don’t see "CREATIONISM" on the Bio roster and assume the worst)

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