Yesterday while I was working for my friend Jessicca at the Saturday Market (and if you haven’t visited her web site to buy soap yet, I’m coming to kill you), and a woman at a neighboring booth actually used the following phrase without irony:
And, ladies and gentlemen, this is why people vote Republican. Tree massacre. Tree massacre? Fucking, TREE MASSACRE? You know what that is? It’s a band name is what it is. A band name for the band the previously invisible but now ridiculously hot guys in your Trig class started. It is not an expression that should be used in earnest at any point, for any reason, on Earth or any other actual planets (on recently demoted Pluto, anything goes).
Now if you’ll excuse me, Single White Female is on my parents’ TV and this tofu paté is not going to eat itself. Whoo, I just saw Jennifer Jason Leigh’s boobs! Meow!