Not counting a certain ‘lost weekend’ in LA, the current Thanksgiving-esque festivities I’m partaking in at my parents’ place in Oregon marks the only time I have left the UCI campus for any non-Trader Joe’s-related purpose since I moved there. So, though I do enjoy my new, miserably difficult but highly rewarding lifestyle (you don’t notice that you have no money when you also have no time to go anywhere, do anything or buy anything that doesn’t cause immediate liver damage), a slight respite is the first on the long list of things for which I am thankful this Thanksgiving. This list, which I will share with you in non-list form, includes but is not limited to: Bush’s approval rating starting with a "3;" Charles Shaw; antacid; the fact that my mother just cooked a massive meal for nine people and doesn’t totally hate me for not helping with the dishes even though I partially hate myself for aforementioned reason (I was PLANNING to do the dishes but I fell asleep; when you are normally a "vegetarian" but eat turkey once a year on Thanksgiving the turkey sleep-0-matic drug hits you very hard! I should have had a tofurducken[tm]!); the rest of my family, including my dad, who now walks like a normal person with the aid of a fake hip, and my brother, who is taller, better-looking, richer and funnier than I am (tonight he said, after deciding to take a nap on the TV room floor despite the fact that a very comfy couch was on that floor, "I will choose wherever the hell I want to take a nap, and you can choose how to shut your mouth, from the bottom, like this [demonstrates], or the top, like this [demonstrates]"); my friends, now spanning both coasts (special attention to those special folks in New York I’m about to come visit, special thanks to the new pals and monsters at UCI who have helped keep me sane this quarter); my two roommates Burcu and Alex, for putting up with my very odd behavior and never complaining about how dirty the kitchen floor gets or that Ben and Jesse seem to live in our living room; my papers, for being almost halfway completed (yaaaaaaaaaargh!!!); coffee, for being the world’s most perfect product; my "skinny jeans" (aka "only jeans") for still fitting despite my newfound proclivity for carrot cake and latkes; every single episode of "Law & Order" ever filmed; the members of my Enemies List for giving me something to do; the faculty of my department for bludgeoning me into shape this quarter (hopefully); Christian fundamentalists for braying about Wal-Mart saying "Happy Holidays" and therefore showing off their hilarious hypocracy by insisting it somehow glorifies His name to go into debt loading up on useless crap that teaches kids to be materialistic. Whoo. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! If you’re reading this, I’m thankful for you. Except if you’re that douchebag Claude who thinks I should kill myself; you can go fuck off.