snappage. minus. zero

Time I have been a PhD Student at UC-Irvine: 2 months
Approx. bottles of Charles "Two-Buck Chuck" Shaw drunk in that time: 24,000
Amount of times I have filled my car’s gas tank: 2
What I just did in the parking lot of Wholesome Choice Market: shopping-cart tailgated a family of six well-meaning but very slow-walking Chinese people (I point out the enthnicity not because I am an asshole Irvine xenophobe, but because they didn’t speak any English and thus the thing I said below is not really as horrible as it might seem); then became impatient with the self-same family of six in the parking lot as they loaded up their minivan with serious difficulty, then reacted by backing up rather aggressively and saying out the open window: "YES, I WILL RUN YOUR BABY DOWN."
What I may have done this week: snapped
Why that might be the case: see predicted grades two posts ago
Number of times the police showed up in the vicinity of my apartment last night because of the ostensible "ruckus": 1
Number of actual arrests or citations: 0
Reaction I had, regardless of above: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! You don’t have to sleep at home but you can’t say here!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH IT’S THE FIVE-OH! TWENTY-THREE SKIDOO, GET OUT OF HERE!
How many paper abstracts I have to write today: 1
How many I have begun: 0
What I am currently doing instead of writing a paper abstract: Watching a "Gilmore Girls" marathon
How much I just spent at Trader Joe’s: $63
How much above my weekly "food budget" that is: $13
Why this is the case: My roommate Alex and I alternate buying coffee; it was my turn. Additionally, I had to buy a can of decaf because I have weaned myself onto a mixture because a few weeks ago a UCI shrink suggested I cut down on caffeine to assuage anxiety
How well the "cutting down on caffeine to assuage anxiety" plan is thus far working: FUCKING NOT TOO, THANK YOU VERY MUCH
My current state of mind: hungry
Hungry,
HUNGRY,
H U N G R Y.

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One thought on “snappage. minus. zero

  1. The quantity and quality of the comments for your blog suggest your site sucks and you are a self-absorbed asshole who would do the world a favor by dropping out of grad school and committing suicide.
    Wouldn’t that be verruckt!?!?!?!

    Like

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