Lists are the full paragraph structures of the morbidly-depressed-for-no-reason

Three Things the Populace of Eugene, Oregon Should Probably Think Twice About Before Displaying As Bumper-Sticker Slogans

1. "Begin Within"
2. "A Day Without Fairies Is A Day Without Sunshine"
3. "Daddy, What Were Forests Like?"

One Thing I Wish I’d Realized Right After Accidentally Plowing Into My Neighbor’s Parked Car With My Car, Instead Of Getting All Freaked Out By The Fact That I Drive Like A Saudi Arabian Plural Wife

1. It was parked illegally

One Joke That Will Never Get Old

1. Slipping the word "dickfer" into conversation so as to elicit the response, "What’s a dickfer?"

What A Sunburn Does On Very Pale Skin

1. Turns Into A Rash (hot!!!)

How Many Hours It Takes To Get To Seattle Without Traffic, and From Seattle With Traffic

1. 4 1/2
2. 7

Some Immature Acronyms For My Friend Brian’s Car, Which is a Chrysler PT Cruiser

1. "Pussy Trainer"
2. "Pork Trailer"
3. "Preteen Temple"
4. "Perky Titties"
5. "Pallid Testes"

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