The best thing about leaving a place ostensibly forever is that you get to do massively self-obsessed things in the name of closure. Therefore at yesterday’s 10-hour beer-and-Becherovka debacle, after about eight and a half hours of beer and Becherovka, I decided to ask each of my friends about their first impressions of me. Here they are.
Eva: "You had sad eyes and were a little abrasive."
Jason: "You were forceful."
Adam: "What do you mean, the time you wrote me fan mail in 2001 or when I met you for real?" (he never did cop to an actual impression, though…interestingly)
Brittany: "You were REALLY INTIMIDATING and I thought you were MEAN AND SCARY." (Brittany is my best friend)
Audrey: "You had those things on your wrists and I thought you thought you were too cool for me." (I have carpal tunnel syndrome and sometimes wear "Black or White" era Michael Jackson wrist braces to work; they are super hot)
Frank: "I liked your Verve stickers but I thought you were really loud."
Emily: "Loud."
Todd: "Loud."
Jason: "I would like to revise my impression to include ‘Loud.’"
Me: "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?"
PAN KISSES KAFKA 
That you were hilarious. Also, because you guys sat together and talked sometimes, my initial impression was that you were going ’round with you-know-who. In retrospect, I wish that I’d kept that impression.
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I think I’ll go with “loud.”
Just kidding. Maybe “colorful.” In word and deed.
So sorry I missed your party… come back soon, and we’ll have another one!
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