Manolo ME: "I’ve got a great new plan for world domination."

EX: "Oh yeah?"

ME: "Yeah, see what I’m going to do is find some rich Republican older-guy asshole to date, preferably a married one, right?"

EX: "Okay…"

ME: "So I’m going to tell him I’m pregnant and watch his bullshit right-to-life ‘ideals’ crumble under the weight of his ever-weighty hypocrisy as he non-gently ‘suggests’ that I have our possible offspring summarily aborted. I’ll beg and plead and tell him I have nothing but awe for the sanctity of life and he’ll threaten to kill me if I don’t, in his words, ‘get rid of it.’ So he’ll give me $600 for the abortion, and I’ll buy shoes."

EX: "And have his baby?"

ME: "NO, it’s a hoax baby! There will be no baby. I’ll just TELL him I’m pregnant for the dual pleasure of watching his fakeo bullshit value system crumble AND of getting expensive shoes."

EX: "And that will allow you to take over the world."

ME: "Of course it will; they will be Manolo Blahniks."

EX: "Expensive footwear equals world domination?"

ME: "Obviously. Nobody will ever take me seriously as a world dominator if I am not wearing $600 shoes."

EX: "That’s certainly true."

ME: "Yep."

EX: "Yep."

ME: "Well."

EX: "Huh."

ME: "."

EX: "…"

ME: "Well…bye."

EX: "Bye.

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