What the fuck is with Jamster? Possibly the most useless company/product/service in the entire cosmos? From what I can tell, you pay this company 6 entire dollars a month, with which you get your choice of five of the dumbest ringtones and wallpapers ever, all for your stupid mobile phone. When I was in Europe over the summer, I stayed at this hotel in Croatia that had a TV, and I was so starved for some form of companionship (I am bad at making friends with strangers, especially when those strangers are groups of seventy-five-year-olds) that I kept German MTV on all the time (nothing is awesomer than "DisMissed, jetzt auf deutsch!"), and about every other commercial (so, given MTV’s ad pod schedule, every three point five minutes), there would be this unbelievably obnoxious ad for some JAMSTER! ringtone or dancing hippo wallpaper. ZEIGEN SIE MAL DEN DANCING HIPPO! JETZT AUF IHREN HANDY!! NEU!! Or you could get this kickass song called "Fuck it." "JETZT BEI 444 44 TEXTEN!!!" It seemed like the most ridiculous idea I had ever heard, and I assumed that, like car insurance commercials with masturbating guys in them and sane foreign policy, JAMSTER! commercials would be another one of those phenomena that didn’t bridge the American-European cultural divide. I was wrong. I’ve been watching MTV at work late at night, and there they are–Jamster ads! Same stupid hippo, same unbelievably vapid and uncreative "ringtones," same inexplicable demand for money (I would pay 6 dollars a month NOT to have Jamster!), right here in the United States of America. Could full nipple nudity on primetime be next? Could some sort of non-megalomanaichal-cowboy-retard-child foreign policy be next??? Gehrhard, Jacques, I’m waiting for your call. Und jetzt habe ich mein neues HAPPY DANCING HIPPO gleich auf dem handy TOLL KUHL AUZGEZEICHNET NUMMER EINS!!! And I’ll assign the "home" ringtone so I know it’s you!