Congratulations, 2004, You Royally Sucked

You’ve got two more days to turn this bitch around, and it is not looking good. Between the election, Viktor Yuschenko getting poisoned, this unbelievably fucking devastating tsunami in Asia, and the fact that I am currently being forced to watch a middle-aged woman run a married couples "sex academy" on "20/20," and the fact that this woman refers to her students as "sister-goddesses," and the fact that she is doing unmentionable things to a pencil eraser right now…I could go on, but my goal is to make it to 2005 without jumping off anything tall. Oy. Well, it’s about time for Franz Kafka to return from the grave and make his Resolutions at the New-Year Time, so I’ll be doing that soon. Hooray. And to 2004 I say…don’t let your Bush-winning, tidal-waving, job-hating, everything-sucking ass get hit by the great door of 2005 on your way out.

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