This one’s for you.
Because one or more of my friends and/or loved ones has made the mistake of uttering the words, "I’d like to read that paper you wrote on [SOMETHING REALLY UNINTERSTING], I have made the least shameful of my graduate papers available online. This should result in untold hundreds of shitty little undergrads attempting to pass them in as their own, to which I say: "I hope you get caught." The rest of you, who for some reason have said you wanted to read my ridiculous treatises on Agamben, Nietzsche, or that weird teen bible, go nuts. My last paper, on the horrifying Left Behind series, will be up online after I’ve turned it in and taken a break from it. "Enjoy," and by "enjoy" I mean "it’s your funeral."