I am so excited to tell you that you’ve been chosen to be on a new show program appearing on the television machine! (“Televisual machine” is trademarked to Frank Smith, so you’ll have to figure out what I’m talking about through context clues!) You, yes you! We’re going to come to your house with a cadre of stylish homosexuals and we’re going to cut your hair, give you Botox (hey, if it’s good enough for Ryan Seacrest, it’s good enough for you!!!), redecorate your house, give you liposuction, reconnect you with your highschool boyfriend Brandon Kempner who dumped you unceremoniously, and enter you in a beauty contest! Aren’t you excited? Aren’t you? Unfortunately I’m leaving the country soon so I won’t be able to participate, but I gave this stupid site thingy a makeover so I’m with you in spirit. Here is a random partial list of countries I’ll be visiting in the next two weeks: Croatia, Hungary, Germany, Austria, Slovenia. If you or anyone you know lives in these countries and enjoys giving surly foreigners non-touristy tours, you know where to find me. RIGHT HERE. IN CYBERSPACE. ON THE INTERNET. BY MAGIC.