Ihr seid supergeil, supergeil

by Rebecca Schuman

[UPDATE: Möbius loop: Here is the Slate BrowBeat post from which I link to this post, to provide the translation for that post, which then linked back to this post…]

If you have an Internet, chances are someone has posted this viral video, “Supergeil,” to a social media near you. It’s a 3-minute promotional clip for the German supermarket chain EDEKA. Though I’m an Aldifrau myself, I find this vid irresistible, and although its incredibleness is without borders or a language, I also thought it was my DUTY as a Germanist to translate it for you, meine Leute, denn ihr seid supergeil, supergeil. Jetzt geht’s los! 

As I’ve also written on Slate, “geil” has a double meaning–it means “cool,” but it also means “horny.” I’ve only translated it as “cool” here, but please keep the double-meaning in mind–or else the video might not make any sense (ha)!

Super süß, super sexy, super easy, supergeil
Super Leute, super lieb, super Love, supergeil
Super Uschi, super Muschi, super Sushi, supergeil
Super heftig, super deftig, super lässig, supergeil
Super fit, super fresh, super Livestyle, supergeil
Super Power, super stark, super Markt, supergeil

Super sweet, super sexy, super easy, super-cool
Super people, super cute, super love, super-cool
Super Uschi*, super pussy**, super sushi, super-cool
Super fierce, super hearty, super easygoing, super-cool
Super fit, super fresh, super lifestyle, super-cool
Super power, super strong, supermarket, super-cool

CHORUS:

Es ist supergeil, supergeil
Richtig supergeil, supergeil
Ich finds supergeil, supergeil
Denn du bist supergeil

It is super-cool, super-cool
Absolutely super-cool, super-cool
I find it super-cool, super-cool
Because you are super-cool

Super knister, super knusper, super Snack, supergeil
Super Freunde, super spritzig, super Party, supergeil
Super Optik, super chillig, super Cookies, supergeil
Super Sonntag, super Montag, super lazy, supergeil
Super crunchy, super tasty, super crazy, supergeil
Super fruchtig, super lecker, super smooth, supergeil

Super sizzling, super crispy, super snack, super-cool
Super friends, super fizzy, super party, super-cool
Super optics, super chill, super cookies, super-cool
Super Sunday, super Monday, super lazy, super-cool***
Super crunchy, super tasty, super crazy, super-cool
Super fruity, super delicious, super smooth, super-cool

[CHORUS]

Sehr, sehr geile Sachen hier
Bio ist auch sehr, sehr geil
Sehr geile Bioprodukte, toll

Very, very cool stuff here
Organic is also very, very cool
Very cool organic products, excellent

[CHORUS]

Guck ma hier, sehr, sehr geile Fritten, super
Sehr geiler Dorsch übrigens, sehr geil
Oh hier, Klopapier, oh, das ist aber weich
Sehr, sehr geil, super

Oh check it out, very, very cool fries, super
Very cool cod, by the way, very cool
Oh look here, toilet paper, ooh, now that’s soft****
Very, very cool, super

*nickname for Ursula, also, thanks to the smarts of a native-German commenter, sometimes slang for “sexy lady”

**DOUBLE ENTENDRE OOH NAUGHTY

***German bread is the pride of the country (for good reason, shit is DIVINE). But bakeries, like very other German-owned business in the country, are either closed on Sundays or have very reduced hours. Since Germans would never dream of eating stale bread (yes, they hit the bakery almost every day), there is a special processed kind of mostly-baked, finish-in-your-oven bread sold at the store, often (but not always) croissants or some other fatty bread, called Sonntagsbrötchen (“Sunday-bread”), for freezing and baking on Sunday so that you can still have “fresh” bread at your big Sunday dinner (which is actually lunch).

****a PERNICIOUS falsehood. German toilet paper is like sandpaper dipped in spikes. Germans are much more environmentally friendly than we are, and as such their paper products are almost all recycled, and their TP is all VERY easy to dissolve, since many of their pipes are 900 years old. Butt-softness is literally the last thing any German roll of toilet paper gives–ahem–a crap about. If you want butt-softness, you use the special aloe-covered butt wipes NEXT to the toilet paper (which, after the toilet paper, you’ll need).

DOUBLE UPDATE! Here is my annotated reply to the most inadvertently German Slate comment by a German I have ever received.